CitconWiki - User contributions [en]

What if your boss doesn’t see/is the problem?

2025-09-27T20:36:11Z

MelissaDaul: Created page with "Tip for giving/receiving better feedback: Ask for in plus/delta format. Plus is what is going well. Delta is what would be even better if. Ask for feedback in a way that is..."

Tip for giving/receiving better feedback: Ask for in plus/delta format. Plus is what is going well. Delta is what would be even better if. Ask for feedback in a way that is actionable and doesn’t ask for just negatives (minuses).

Also, focus on what it’s important to the business ($$$). When asking for support or proposing work to be done, what is the impact to the business in sales, bottom line, cost, etc. Speak like a CFO. Focus on the outcomes that matter and the metrics that the leaders are focused on.

CITCONEurope2025Sessions

2025-09-27T20:32:35Z

MelissaDaul:

{| class="wikitable"
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! Room
! 10:00 - 11:00
! 11:15 - 12:15
! 12:30 - 14:00 (Lunch)
! 14:00 - 15:00
! 15:15 - 16:15
! 16:30 - 17:30
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| Presentation Area (6th Floor)
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| Space 1 (7th Floor)
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| [[What is CBT and how it can help you?]]
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| [[What if your boss doesn’t see/is the problem?]]
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| Space 2 (7th Floor)
| [[HardCoreGit]]
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| Space 3 (7th Floor)
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| [[Code until you die / older female devs]]
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| Kaizen Room (7th Floor)
| [[How can we accelerate change adoption in users?]]
| [[Vibe Coding with Glamorous Toolkit]]
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| [[In the age of the vibe coder, Kata == waste]]
|}

What is CBT and how it can help you?

2025-09-27T11:31:30Z

MelissaDaul: Created page with "CBT - What is CBT and how can it help you? Cognitive Behavioral Therapy 1950s - Beck (dream analysis) - CBT and Albert Ellis (REBT) Thoughts - Beliefs - Attitudes What stop..."

CBT - What is CBT and how can it help you?

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
1950s - Beck (dream analysis) - CBT and Albert Ellis (REBT)

Thoughts - Beliefs - Attitudes

What stops you? I can’t fix this. It’s too hard. I must not look foolish.

Ellis model ABC
Situation - Desire- consequences (Feelings, thoughts, behave)

Pull request example

Feelings (I put a lot of work into this, I think it’s right, you’re going to tell me it’s wrong. Feel fearful of embarrassment, failure - annoyance I won’t hit my target because i have to redo work and you don’t agree it was right, you don’t see my ideas are the best ideas).

Situation - Real/imagined - thinking about negative PR review

This reveals me.

It’s not the situation. If 100 ppl thought about it, wouldn’t have the same feeling.
Some might be excited about learning something new.
It’s not the thing that causes our dealing, it’s the attitude about that thing.

Want to search for what it is about the adversity that is so concerning.

It would be bad if I …. It would be a struggle, but there is nothing awful if i do.
‘If I stammer, i stammer, fuck it’
It’s the attitude you bring to things that changes the way you experience it.

Even in a bad situation you can choose the attitude you bring.
When you’re facing an adversity and dealing in an unproductive or healthy way, worth slowing down to realize what are you thinking to make you feel that way.
Really hard, not effortless. Do it where it matters. If your worries at stopping you from doing what you want in life, model that might help you deal with it productively

Four thoughts that f you up (Desire)
What you desire/want/wish + a dogmatic demand (Should statements - must, have to or need) -
I must do well, you must treat me well, life or the world should be fair leads us to feel depressed or angry in an unproductive way.
Search for the should - check you aren’t adding a dogmatic demand. Keep the wish, check yourself on the demand part of it. Accept the bad thing might happen
We tend to awfulize - we add horror. “It’s worse than 100% bad”. You can accept it is very bad but it’s non-awful. There are worse things that could happen.
We tend to think it’s unbearable. How do we make it more bearable.
Global negative evaluation - we go from this request failed to I am a failure really fast. Not things thing didn’t go right, I’m not right. (Because I wasn’t right, I’m a failure).
How do we move to unconditional acceptance.

REBT says changing the situation you change the beliefs. Want to get to the bottom of it, look at most anxiety promoting part of it. Inoculate against bigger failures.
Beck says might be enough if you challenge the situation and its beliefs.

The agile processes reduce the potential threat. Smaller chunks of challenge, less threat to the ego.

Accept the things you can not change - change the things you can, put on your own mask (make your decisions on what you can/want to change - take responsibility to change things)

How do we tread the line between the psychologically safe environment and having the ability to adapt and take feedback/consequence?

Better way to state it is a better condition for candor (Author of the term regrets the term)

Beck
write down the situation
Write down the thoughts
review against the list of cognitive distortions
Should statement - are any of your thoughts rigid absolutistic demands
Resolute - Need. I need this…
Google for cognitive distortions
Discount the positive
Over generalization
Mid reading/jumping to conclusions
All or nothing thinking (always is a distortion) - can you substitute for sometimes
Replace the thought with a realistic and positive thought that puts a lie to the original thought
Not about being Pollyanna

This isn’t a model of human worth

Learning to act in ways that are different than the way you acted when you got outcomes you didn’t want.
Show yourself you can tolerate the discomfort of the anxiety invoking situation

David burns podcast - Feeling good - Also US app

Walter Matweychuck (sp) - weekly zoom call

Use AI tools to help you work out how you’re thinking from a CBT perspective

TalkWithBenjamin.UK

CITCONEurope2025Sessions

2025-09-27T11:31:00Z

MelissaDaul:

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Room
! 10:00 - 11:00
! 11:15 - 12:15
! 12:30 - 14:00 (Lunch)
! 14:00 - 15:00
! 15:15 - 16:15
! 16:30 - 17:30
|-
| Presentation Area (6th Floor)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|-
| Space 1 (7th Floor)
|
| [[What is CBT and how it can help you?]]
|
|
|
|
|-
| Space 2 (7th Floor)
| [[HardCoreGit]]
|
|
|
|
|
|-
| Space 3 (7th Floor)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|-
| Kaizen Room (7th Floor)
|
| [[Vibe Coding with Glamorous Toolkit]]
|
|
|
|
|}

Ask a change manager

2025-04-14T17:39:28Z

MelissaDaul:

[[Melissa_Daul]] hosted a session to allow people to ask a certified Change Manager questions about Change Management as a discipline.

"Power is given, influence is earned"

Melissa created a grid. Influence is on the vertical axis, and interest is on the horizontal axis. You want to start with the people in the upper right quadrant.

<pre>

I |
N |
F |
L |
U ---------|----------
E |
N |
C |
E |

I N T E R E S T

</pre>

Remember the people who should be categorized on the grid but might be overlooked, like the facilities people.

Explain why the change is essential, even though they might not like it.

Help people understand why their value isn't tied to their knowledge of the old system. They will still be important in the new system, and here's how...

A blog post from Australia says that Change Managers are just there to slow us down (https://aclinstitute.com/newsroom/agile-change-management/). The truth is, sometimes change managers slow things down so that people can adapt to the change.

[[Birger_Halfmeier]] prefers an email to a video. He says he can search for text in an email but not in a video.

Some people are CAVE people. "Citizens Against Virtually Everything"

Sometimes, you can convert a CAVE person by taking them one-on-one to walk through the change. They can see it for themselves, touch it, and then become your greatest advocate, like the example person Melissa mentioned.

Breaking the fear

2025-03-29T00:44:28Z

MelissaDaul:

Kate shared that people are clever and smart but not doing things because they are scared and do what they are told. She asks people to write their success story. For the things they want to do they are writing things that they already do. The question is how do we break this fear. Want people to be outgoing, make mistakes. Role of manager is to protect them from the mistakes.
We want ppl to feel safe I’m the work environment.
Have you been able to break your fear?
Ekaterina - Most useful was getting feedback from others. Without feedback from others can’t compare self to others. Got feedback from other colleagues which allowed to her to understand where she was.
Kate shared some people depending on culture are super critical of themselves and have a lot of self doubt.
How do you get ppl to share implicit knowledge? How do you break the fear of breaking your image? How do you break the fear of making mistakes?
Jon shared that workplaces that have a blameless methodology and give examples shows the type of environment. Allows people to be more comfortable and take risks. In personal life, hard to take risks because of fear may not be good at it. Hard to get started. Some challenges are hard to do, hard to start.
Melissa shared that the verbiage of Even Better If helps to frame feedback as a way to improve and not failure.
Kate shared when giving feedback you can find something good. Start with something good to set up head properly. Use AND instead of BUT to frame.
Team is used to being treated as individual contributors.
Brook - find out what they are afraid of and if they should legitimately fear it. Lot of discussion of psychological safety and blameless culture. Very rarely is it tested. What do we observe and record when things do go wrong.
Kate sees herself as an umbrella absorbing everything and translating it to her team, protecting from the bad.
If they feel they have the right work life balance it makes them happier. Fear shuts down the neocortex and shuts down creative ability.
Melissa asked if a certain amount of stress is productive? Kate - a managed amount
First goal is to let ppl know what comfort zone is.
Jon - makes sure everyone has time to talk. Easy to be a listener when the line is loud. Make sure everyone has the opportunity to speak. Ask questions to get them thinking on what we can improve.
Yufei - Is it a recent thing?
Melissa - have you been making the ask specific? Kate -no, more general
Melissa suggested team norms. Team created, ask them to enforce within the tam with each other. This should not be coming from leaders, should be come from the team and how they want to work together.
Kate is celebrating wins - everyone has come up with what they are working to and they have wins that are supporting each other. Getting them to start thinking as a team.
Ekaterina - Every software has bugs but when she misses them she feels fear because that is her job. Helped by having retrospectives. Helped understand the team work on how they reacted. Being part of the team makes her feel better.
Kate - Starting with quality at the beginning, not shifting to the end

Breaking the fear

2025-03-28T22:18:17Z

MelissaDaul: Kate shared that people are clever and smart but not doing things because they are scared and do what they are told.